Life changes in a blink of an eye

April 2004 I decided to make some changes in my life. I hired a personal trainer and nutrionist at my gym to help me get back into shape. I worked hard, stayed focused, lived on chicken and veggies and in 3 months time I had met my goal - I lost 25 pounds, 12% body fat and my 40 minute run was faster by 3 minutes. Things in my life were pretty good. In September Jessica would be starting Grade 1 and I thought that I might go back to work part-time.

Then I found a lump in my breast and things came to a screeching halt. How could I be so sick on the inside and yet be in the best physical shape ever. "I feel great" is the response that I give to the numerous doctors that I have seen. It doesn't seem real. I keep waiting for someone to call and say that they had the wrong file. But I still know that the lump is there.

So I figure now that I have been dealt the card that I have, I must make the best of it and work hard at beating this awful thing called "cancer."

I feel positive about the tests that have been done so far. Especially since they are not requiring any further tests. Having Chemo for the first time was a bit odd. I know it is there to help me - kill the cancer cells and all- but on the other hand I know how sick it can make me from the side effects. A double edged sword I suppose.

Many people ask me why I don't want people to know that I have cancer. The best answer that I can give is that I don't want the cancer to change how people view me. I don't want people looking at me and looking for changes. I don't want every conversaton to be based on my health. I guess I just want things to be normal. And right now they are not.

Thank you for the wonderful Emails and phone calls that I have received. They mean a lot to me.

Signing off for now. Love Carolin