7 days after Chemo #2

Well I am for the most part back to normal... I am back to running and going to the gym. My craving for carbs is starting to diminish, (my trainer will be happy) and I can make it through the day without a nap.

However as Sandy has written Chemo#2 was much harder than the first. Grammy was here that night (Sept 15) looking after Jessica while Sandy was at school. I was trying to keep from throwing up while lying in our bed. And it was the first time since hearing that I had cancer that I had myself a good long, hard cry. I didn't think I could feel so bad. I wanted to hear that I would be alright, but being the person that I am I didn't want to upset anyone. Next time I will take advantage of some of the many offers for help of any kind. It helps to know I have so many friends that want to help regardless of anything else.

I am a bit afraid of the next Chemo. I'm counting on it being like childbirth and that the bad memories will fade. However, I only have 2 weeks left for that to happen. Anytime I see the word Chemo or think about them putting in an I V, I gag. But It is getting better and there's only 2 more sessions to go...

Through the eyes of a child

I was snuggling with Jessica in her bed the other night when she turned to me and said "Mommy you don't wear your wig very often". I explained that my head hurt and that wearing a bandana when I'm in the house was more comfortable. Thinking that this might be bothering her I asked if she would rather that I wear my wig more often. She said "I love you just the way you are and I love me just the way I am too.'
It is times like these that make me want to fight this disease even harder.

Rebound is Slow

It's been a week now since the second chemo and Carolin is still not back to normal. Her fill-in job ended so she doesn't have to travel downtown, but she still gets tired quickly and has the occasional bout of tremors. Her scalp hurts a lot but there are occasional glimmers that she may
get her sense of humor back about her hair.

Her missing hair gave her a reason to buy a jaunty touque for nightime use. Her head was getting cold while she was sleeping. Funny but the regular 'jammy shops didn't carry such a thing.

A more typical chemo experience

The chemo on Weds. went smoothly. It took about 2 hours to pour in various drugs into Carolin's arm and then we were free to go. Almost right away Carolin was tired. She had been working full time and it was wearing her out. By 4 PM she was looking for a bed to lie down in.

The night was bad. Lots of nausea and a bad taste in her mouth but Thurs started early and off she went to work. That doesn't mean she liked it. Her long face hit the pillow about 7 that night. It was a very different experience from the first time. Now it's a lot clearer why people dread chemo. Friday is her last day of work and she hopes to be home and horizontal by noon.

Some things you shouldn't get use to.

Wednesday is chemo day #2.

Things are getting a little more real. In addition to the major hair loss, Carolin's scalp is hurting alot. As sleep involves laying on it, sleep has been haphazard. The doctor says it will be better in a couple of days. He also says that being cold all the time is normal. The doctor team was very surprised to hear she went running the day after Chemo #1. (Exercise is a good thing. ) He also said that it was unusual for a patient to be married to such a nice guy, but I digress.

Today's major shocker - survival rate in Carolin's situation according to the doctor is 50/50! That would be even worse to hear if there was any doubt which side of the line she was going to fall on.

Best estimate for surgery - end of November.

Rylie flaunting all her hair.

Carolin's new 'doo.

Now people will notice my earrings!

Bad Hair Day

After giving the vacuum cleaner a workout for several mornings in a row, it was time to bite the bullet and go for THE drastic hairstyle. This was not a good day. Carolin had made arrangements at a specialized salon and at 09:30 AM she went under the shears. Jessica and I went along for support (the comic relief role didn't seem too welcome) and Jess got to see it happen instead of being surprised. Karen came along for authoritative styling comments. When the dust settled around noon Carolin was lighter but not happier.

We'll have to get the perspective of a few days to see if the new hairstyle makes a better impression later on. And while there are pictures of the event, I wouldn't dare post them without an OK. Maybe soon.

Day 14 and I still have hair!

Hi to everyone,

Life has become that simple. It is funny that something as trivial as hair can have such an impact. I have cut my hair quite short in preparation for "the big day" - and I HATE it!! I have not had hair this short since I was about 10 and now I remember why that is. But even short is better than none.

Chemo #1 wasn't so bad for me. They prepped us for the worst and maybe knowing how bad it could be, I feel very lucky. I can say that the side effects at the worst were uncomfortable. I was nauseated and a bit tired but that was it. I went for a 35 minute run the next day and went to the gym to do weights the day after that. I'm now back to my regular work-out routine. I try my best to do things on every day that I feel good. Otherwise I'll think I''ll look back and be sorry when I'm not feeling as good.

I sometimes wonder if they gave me the right doseage or "cocktail" as they call it. Maybe they didn't give me enough?!?!? Maybe it isn't working!!??!? All questions floating through my head.

Right now the worst is waiting for "the day''. I check my pillow every morning for the stray hairs and am thankful when there are none. The hair thing is worse that the needles or nausea. But as Sandy would spin it - look how much I will save on hair products. Always a postive to every negative!

I have received lots of Emails wishing me well and sending me prayers. Thank you to everyone. I am sorry but I cannot respond to everyone personally right now. Working full time is leaving me very little time in the evening, especially as this is Jessica's first week at school.

Chemo #2 is next Wednesday. I hope that this is goes as well.

Love to you all. Carolin

PS Everyone should right now run their fingers through their hair and never again complain about a "bad hair day'"!

Steady as she goes

Carolin had a good weekend in Pincher Creek. Anyone familiar with the location will be impressed with that accomplishment. It is home to one of Canada's larger wind farms. Carolin must like how the scrapbook glue dries so fast.

Going into the Labour Day long weekend

We're still tip-toe-ing through this first 3 week session of Chemo (3 more sessions to go). Carolin's had more trouble with an average case of the flu, but to say it out loud is to invite trouble. (Hopefully typing it doesn't invoke the same trouble.) She's working fulltime yesterday, today and all next week doing something she promised before we knew about all this. So far she's just being careful not to get too tired.

This weekend she's going to a scrapbooking retreat with a friend. It's three days of sitting around gluing pictures. It turns out very nicely but sounds deadly dull to me. She's looking forward to it. We're not dull enough here?

Jessica's first day of grade 1 went great. She rides a school bus and likes the teacher. So far mom being sick and getting "dumb" medicine (that might attack her hair) hasn't affected her much as Carolin's kept the same routine.